Generate Intro-Text for Newsletter

I am trying to implement the following idea.

For a daily newsletter I would like to generate an engaging and funny intro text, such as:

Good morning. Sorry if there are beer stains and buffalo sauce smeared on the Brew this morning. Yesterday was the sports equinox, a very special day in which all four major U.S. sports leagues (NBA, NHL, MLB, and NFL) were in action, plus Tiger and the Premier League.

In related news...our Nats in 7 prediction? It's in the realm of possibility.

As these texts are custom written I find it extremely hard to generate the text.

I was thinking of using an NLG template or on the other hand creating a template that adds daily news articles.

Any suggestions how you would approach this idea?

I appreciate your replies!